Students sometimes feel that they need to say something dramatic to stand out from the crowd and be really memorable in their personal statement but this is not true. Applying to Oxford is not like a talent show where you may only have a few seconds to make an impression. Tutors consider each application carefully on its individual merits, looking for evidence of your commitment and ability. If you use your personal statement to demonstrate your academic abilities and your engagement with your subject or subjects, then your application will be memorable for all the right reasons.
Congratulations on putting together the first draft of your personal statement!
Don't worry if it sounds disjointed, you have missed bits out or it's too long or too short - you can correct these things later on.
First of all, read through what you've written slowly and try to read it from someone else's point of view.
Make sure it's easy to read and not confusing. Have you said everything you want to say without under or over-selling yourself?
If you are confused by reading your own personal statement, it is likely anyone else reading it will be too (including the admissions tutors!).
Next - get other people to read it. Ask your family, friends, teachers and anyone else who you think will be able to give you a good opinion.
As well as checking for spelling and grammar mistakes, they will be able to tell you if they think there are some things you may have missed out.
Also show it to your head of year at school or career adviser, as people like this will have seen a lot of personal statements and therefore know what a good personal statement looks like.
You could also get people on the Internet to look at your statement, and see what they think.
There are many web based communities where you can post your personal statement or email it to people, and they will happily give you advice for free.
This debating experience, including the preparation of cases for and against motions, has given me advocacy skills which will be very useful in my future career as a lawyer. To begin with, I want to join a law school which will guide me through my career and give me the skills to be an effective lawyer. I wish to take part in a curriculum which is broad and that will give me a good grasp of what it is to be a lawyer. Sheffield Hallam University has this range, and its reputation in the legal world is strong. It has produced many fine lawyers who have gone on to impressive careers in the public arena and as advisers to major corporations as well as the general public.